More frustration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODReXfrsmfU
Above is the song that depicts my mood perfectly. Hm.


Damn it. I'm a bloody marshmallow. Unhealthy, and I know it.
And I can't even explain it to myself. I am actually ANGRY at myself for this. I did not plan this. I do not want this. I want to move on with the shitload of things I need to focus on right now.

Argh!!! If only I could get away for a week, maybe a nice, sunny resort somewhere south. Pina coladas and random adventures with random guys who don't matter.

Lately I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I feel bloody miserable and I hate it because I know how miserable people make me feel. I am bitter and I hurt the people I love. I try to close myself off, unsuccessfully. And people can see right through me, even though I thought I was doing a bloody good job covering it up. Sometimes I feel like there's a wound near my chest that opens up from time to time, and I can barely stand on my feet.

Know what, we live in ignorant times. If I feel like breaking down, falling to my knees and crying in public, I should be able to. No judging.

Fuck. You know what my problem is? I live in my own world too much.
I created this place, this perfect place, where everything is just fine and the real life, therefore, upsets me even more because of it. How on earth do I get out of bed in the morning, I don't know. If I could spend my whole time daydreaming, I would.
I know, it's pathetic. But there you go.

When I close my eyes, I don't need to be anywhere tomorrow, the sun is shining every day of the year, the music never stops, chocolate does not make you fat, strangers are smiling at you as they pass you by on the street, friendship is real and love is forever, you can sleep in every single day, nobody ever dies and there's no such thing as happiness. Because there's no such thing as sadness.

You take my hand and tell me it's okay.


...let me dream.