Wreck.

I am a bloody wreck.
I actually scared Teo by starting to cry out of nowhere. You know why I started crying?
Because I suddenly remembered that when I was a kid, my father brought home a puppy, that he said a kind man gave to him. My mother got really upset, but said I should think about it well and tell them if I want to keep it. The puppy didn't look too impressive, so I asked my father if he could take it back to the man he got it from. A certain sadness showed on his face for a few seconds, but then he tried to compose himself and told me, stuttering, that it's perfectly fine.
Only now did I realize, that puppy wasn't given to him by anyone. And that sadness on my father's face was due to the fact he would have to release him back to the cold, unloving world, because the little creature wasn't cute enough for me.
I don't know why I remembered it, but it hit home badly.
I don't know what's up with me these days. I spent about two hours the other day, crying.
Maybe it's just been too long. Maybe I try to be stronger than I really am. Or maybe I need something...something that will make me forget all the other shit I am sinking in.

The darkness is the only place I escape to.